The Secret Life of an American Teen

Sometimes I feel like we live in a world where things just don’t work out.

Why is it that there is someone who likes you, but you like someone else, who likes someone else.

I feel like it is a never ending cycle and full of chances that never work their way out. Sometimes I begin to lose hope in love, but then I look to my parents who have been happily married for 25 years and been through it all. They are each-others’ rocks. They met by a chance. A chance that fate dealt them. A chance for love. A chance for hope…

One day the cards will too be in my hand, and hopefully this cycle will come screeching to an end.

This day has approached way faster than I would have ever imagined. This month is the month when I walk down the second most important isle in my life, my graduation isle. This moment in time signifies the end of something I have grown and known so well. Soon, I will be leaving behind all my memories, friends, troubles, happiness, sorrows, tears, and excitements at the door. It’s weird to think that in just 19 days, I will no longer see 95% of these people I have grown up with in my life. Each person I have encountered took a piece of me with them and will always have that. 

It goes back to elementary school. I was the new kid in a new school, in a new system, in a new element. Transitioning from private to public school at the grade of three really wasn’t all that hard. It seemed natural. Here I learned about first loves. I learned how a teacher could influence how you thought and viewed yourself. I learned how it was to feel innocent and oblivious to the world. Looking back at this time of my life, I wish I could have told myself to slow down, because one day I would look back at these seven special years and realize how special they were.

Junior high was a new experience unlike any other. I hated my junior high life and couldn’t wait to get out of it any faster. It felt like a prison which we were forced to stay. I learned that friendships were hard to maintain and how often your friends can change. However, the one thing I would never take back is meeting this girl I can consider my best friend to this day…. I will talk about her later.

High school. The word we often see depicted in movies, songs, posters, books…it’s everywhere. I hate to break it to you, but my experience in high school is not like any of those. In my high school there was no “defined” cliques. I continued to struggle with friendships during these crazy years and learned who I was. High school shaped me into the person I am today. It taught me to be a fighter. It taught me to love with my whole heart. It taught me to be independent. But most of all it taught me to take a chance. 

I took a chance on love, on heartbreak, on parties, on jobs, on friendships. I learned to step out of my comfort zone and give everyone a chance for who they are inside and not how society deems them. At the beginning of my h.s. career, I cared too much about who I talked with and when I talked with them, but by the end I grew. I learned you couldn’t be happy unless you gave everyone a chance, because you never know who just might surprise you. I have met some amazing people who have opened up and shared with me their stories. I learned of theirs pains and triumphs. I learned that everyone hides a battle. I learned that one smile, one comment, one laugh shared could make someones day. I am glad to say that I got to learn that.

I had my first kiss. I learned that I fell harder than I probably should have for this boy, but I learned. I learned he was the wrong guy for me. He did things that compromised my morals.  It wasn’t that I was against who he was, I was against what it had done to him. Watching him struggle with addiction took over him. It brought him in and consumed him. I learned to heal. 

Now I am sitting here wondering about what I could have accomplished if I knew what I know now, then. All I can do is admire how far I have come and how far I can go with the next step of my life. I am ready to forget the pain my “friends” have put me through. I am ready to embrace the friend that stuck by me since ninth grade and has been my rock through it all. I am ready to take on the next chapter of my life.  

The moment I walk down that graduation isle, it ends my career in High School, but just begins my journey into college and the real world. I am so blessed. 

If you ignore me, I’m not going to keep waiting. I’ll stop bugging you, I won’t wait for you. I won’t talk to you. Simple as that, yeah it’s going to fucking hurt, but i’m not going to waste my time on someone who hardly gives me any of theirs. “Treat others the way you want to be treated” So if you treat me like crap, what makes you think i’ll stick around?

I never thought I’d find someone who made me feel the way the last boy did, but you found a way. I loved the way you were a total gentleman. I loved the way you would get out of your car every time and hug me. I loved always hanging and talking to you.

I wish things could have worked out. I wish I knew why you’ve become so distant lately. It hurts and my tummy is turning thinking about it, ughhh. All the what-ifs are killing me. I wish I could have communicated with you how I really felt.

I should have listened to my brain on this one. You were too much like the last boy…I see it now. You were an unhealthy idea and it’s time I learn to let go.

The memories were fun while they lasted. However, as hard as I try and forget you, I know I won’t be able to completely let go. I may begin to think everything is getting better, but I’ll get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds me of a memory and it hits me all over again like a stab in the chest and I fall apart for the 100th time.

I feel as if I slip into the same situation time and time again. I get so close with a guy and really let myself fall for them. I believe their bullshit, I believe their lies, I believe their fake flirts. I really let it get to me and I let my heart finally be open again. Everything starts to go according to plan and the skies feel as if they’ve opened up and let me in….
Then, like a sudden storm, the clear skies turn into dark clouds and a windy night.
I begin to feel like I don’t know you anymore. You rip me away just like a band-aid on your arm and pretend to not even known me. What have I done to you?
Did I bore you because I enjoy sometimes just talking with you?
Did I anger you because I couldn’t hang out as much as you’d like because I have other friends too?
Did I frustrate you because I’m not a whore?
Well whatever it was, I wish you’d let me know. I’m not five anymore, you don’t need to lie to me. I’m old enough to know the truth and would much rather be hit with that than the not knowing. Why don’t you man up and tell me the truth. I don’t want your bullshit anymore. I don’t want us to just not talk about it. I don’t want to avoid it.

This was my fault. I should have known I go for the same guys every time, knowing they were no good. You were no good, but my brain made you out to be something more, why is that….

roxylovesyouforever-deactivated asked: Thank you for following my quote blog :)

you’re so welcome, I really liked it! Thanks for the follow as well.

Well, I’ve always wanted to get out of this imaginary shield I have around me, that don’t let people get in. It’s a way of protection. I wonder where are those amazing people, the ones we can deeply rely, look in the eyes and believed in them.

The world is a mess, and so the big part of people living in it, fakes.

Never easy, but always trying…

I almost forgot what it was like to have a guy in my life. Someone who you could tell everything to. Someone who you could talk to about almost anything. Someone who would call you at 2am just to hear you talk. I forgot what it was like to be in someones arms. I forgot what the warmth of another hand could feel like against your own. Last year I felt used and hurt. We talked so much and always hung out. You made me feel so special when I was with you and took all my worries away. I should have listened to my friends when they told me you were no good, but I played the stubborn card and had to learn for myself the hard honest truth. You were nothing but a player. You were the guy who was no good. You took my heart and tore it apart. One day everything was great and as quick as I could snap, things changed for no reason. You stopped talking to me, you stopped calling me, you were done with me. You left me in the cold just to wonder what went wrong. I still to this day, a year later, have the slightest clue. But, I now know after watching you do the same thing to the other girls, that it was truly you and not I. I should have listened to my friends, if I did I could have saved myself from your hurt.

It has been a year since I felt your pain. I’m officially over you. I have moved on and hanging out with other guys. I wish you the best in your life and as rude as this sounds, I hope one day a girl will do to you just like you’ve done to all the other girls in your life. You deserve player of the year. Congrats. Have fun being single the rest of your life….

You make me feel like I have the butterflys in my tummy every time I get a text from you.

You’re the guy I know is bad for me, but still can’t say no.
You’re the guy my friends don’t approve of, but I still go back to you.
You’re the guy that I know I probably shouldn’t trust, but somehow you keep me interested.
You’re the guy that I’ve heard has broken many girls hearts, but I still want to give it a shot

You’re the guy that gives me butterfly’s in my tummy every time I get a text from you.
You’re the guy that knows how to make me smile.
You’re the guy that says the sweetest things.
You’re the guy I want to give a chance, just let go, and see where things go with.

My heart is finally ready to be free again and give someone as much of it as I can, All I can hope is that you won’t turn around and break my heart into pieces.

Anonymous asked: I also think that the love is lost somewhere. Nowadays it's became just a word, and not the amazing thing it is. Where is the love for yourself, for the other, the romanticism, the beauty of it? The conception got adrift and blind.

I truely believe in love. And I just wish the others to do the same. That there's someone out there waiting for the same way your waiting for this person and to your ways to line up.

I came to like you tumblr quite much. :)

You have such an exquisite way of describing those feelings. I absolutely adore how you wordered that and found myself entranced and re-reading it over and over again. I do hope that some day, somewhere, there will be the one—the one who understands it all and can take away all the hurt.

Thank you so much [= I am going to be posting more soon and hope you continue to check it out!